Identity: Yes and…how theater helped me to better understand

I am JUST a teacher…You are JUST a stay-at-home mom…He is JUST sanitation engineer. Have you ever noticed that you seldom hear, he is JUST a millionaire, or she is JUST a CEO? There is a lot to unpack there, especially as it pertains to class inequality, but that is not the focus of my musings here.

We are seldom just any one thing. As I sit here writing, I am teacher, writer, learner, father, son, brother, husband, child of God, golfer, reader, life coach, mentor, mentee, thespian, public speaker, website developer, and I could probably name more if I thought about it longer. And if you sat for a moment and thought about all the things you are, you would probably have a list just as long and equally varied. However, human beings have an innate need to classify things, so when we meet someone, we try to classify them. The reality in that is our classification is just that, ours. Someone who meets me when I am in the act of teaching, might then think, “oh, he is a teacher,” and while that is true in that moment, it is not exclusively true, or true at every moment. Just because someone tells me I am a teacher does not mean that I must relegate myself to just that facet. I can choose.

The other challenge in that phrase “I/You am/are JUST a/an [noun]” is that the word "just" has an implied quality. When it is said it, sometimes the speaker is suggesting that this is negative. You are only that one thing and not capable of doing anything else. It is important to note that when someone says the “just” phrase, unless they specifically tell you what they mean, you do not actually know what they are implying, you assume and decide what it means to you, this is also a choice. What is important to focus on at this point is your reaction to hearing the phrase. I have been listening a lot lately to Brooke Castillo and part of her model is that your thinking determines your feelings. In this case, often what happens is that someone says “You are JUST a/an [noun]” to you. And in that moment, you think, they do not respect however they just classified me, and I agree, I am just a/an [noun] and that is disappointing (or some other negative adjecting) which then causes you to feel some negative emotion. Maybe you are right, and they do not respect whatever they called you, but perhaps you are wrong. In the end, it does not matter. Give me a moment and will explain.

In theater, especially in improvisation we are taught to use the phrase, “Yes, and?” This is meant to encourage to keep thinking about alternatives to keep the scene going. The moment you stop thinking “yes, and” you block the creative process. Identity can be thought of the same way. As you describe yourself, remember that it can be “yes, and.” I am a teacher yes, and I am a brother yes, and I am a husband…you get the idea. We all need to remember that identity is the sum of all the facets that we inhabit throughout our lives. Some are strong, some are weak. When I was in high school, I believed I was going to be the next Phantom of the Opera on Broadway. Then I went to college and that belief was replaced by my teacher identity. I never stopped being a thespian and skills I developed in the phase continue to help me today. It is no longer a strong part of my identity, but it is also not gone, it will always be a part of who I am.

My wife is a quilter (among many other wonderful things) and I have thought of identity as a beautiful patchwork quilt. Each of my identities are part of the whole and to remove any piece would diminish the design. It is important to note that in the case of the quilt metaphor, identity is also a UFO (unfinished object) as we are constantly adding new fabrics to the piecework. Sometimes when you hang a quilt on a wall or put it on a bed, the colors in the room draw out certain colors in the quilt. If you think of the spaces you inhabit from day to day as the “room” your quilt is in, the colors in that room draw out certain colors in your quilt. When I am in a classroom teacher, the teacher parts of my identity are drawn out, but all the parts of my identity are present. I am still the whole quilt.

So, let us go back to the “just a” thought process. As a teacher, I am often the recipient of the phrase, “Oh, you are just a teacher.” Heck, there is the old frequently quoted phrase, “Those who can do, and those who can’t teach.” It would be easy every time someone says, “You are just a teacher” for me to think, “you are right, how disappointing.” But recalling the “yes and” idea, I could also think, “Yes, I am a teacher, and I am a life coach, and I am a father…” you get the idea. Acknowledge all the parts of the beautiful quilt that is your life. At the same time, remember that even if someone doesn’t respect how they classify you, that does not mean that you must agree with them. Honor all the pieces of your identity for they have been woven together to make you the person you are today. Yes, I am a teacher, and I chose that identity and I have learned a great deal from it, and it has shaped who I am today. Without those experiences, I would look completely different. I am proud of the person I have become regardless of how any other person might view my identity.