Thinking and Feeling

https://kathystoddardtorrey.blog/2020/09/22/myers-briggs-type-indicator-mbti-thinking-feeling-scale/

Recently I have seen posts in several of the teacher groups I frequent that talk about the impact of comments from students, parents, administrators, and colleagues. Almost always, these posts revolve around negative comments and how these comments cause the poster to question whether or not they should be a teacher. I do not know these people personally, but I am willing to believe that because they are questioning themselves, they are probably much better teachers than they believe they are.

I have been involved in education for over 20 years and I have witnessed a shift in how teachers are viewed. When I was in school (and some into my early teaching), when I did poorly (whether academically or behaviorally), my mother asked me what I did to create the problem. More recently, I have seen a shift to immediately looking to blame the teacher when there is a problem of any type. I am not going to use this blog to discuss whether that is true or false, good or bad. As a career educator, I am very biased on this issue and that would color my opinion.

However, that is not at the heart of the issue. The current circumstance is that all of these constituent groups reach out to teachers when there are problems sometimes to blame and other times to problem-solve. In some cases, we even wish that the support systems for our students would be a little more involved. Regardless, you cannot change the circumstances. These people will continue to communicate with you, challenge, complain, support, and argue. They will say things that they intend to hurt you and sometimes they will say things out of concern that could be taken as attacks. Again, these are all circumstances. From the perspective of the other person, they believe their statements to be true and accurate. What matters is what you do once the statements are made.

Over the past few weeks, I have been listening to a podcast by life coach trainer, Brooke Castillo (https://thelifecoachschool.com/) and I find her words to be very valuable. She discusses a concept that she calls, The Model. Generally speaking, this is, “Your thoughts produce your feeling which generates actions that cause results” (https://thelifecoachschool.com/self-coaching-model-guide/). Feelings are a direct result of something you are thinking. For example, if your friend is late to a planned date repeatedly, that circumstance does not cause you to feel sad. What makes you sad is how you think about the fact that your friend is frequently late. If you think your friend is late because they don’t respect or value your time together, you might then feel sad. Alternatively, if you think that your friend is late because they have difficulty planning their time, then might feel compassion for them and want to help them with time management. Either way, how you feel is a direct result of what you are thinking, not the circumstance itself. So, you are completely IN CONTROL of your feelings because you can train your mind how to think.

To bring this back to the start of the post about the comments that are made to you about your teaching, the comments that are made are circumstances. They are not themselves good or bad, they are facts. The person did say those things. If a parent comes to you and says, “My child failed your class, that must mean you are a bad teacher.” This is the circumstance, how you think about this circumstance will determine how you feel about the statement. If you encounter this circumstance and think, “You know what, that parent is right, I am a terrible teacher,” then you will likely feel sad, or question whether you belong in teaching. Alternatively, if you think, “That is that parent’s opinion, I have worked hard to teach all my students, but this student did struggle, perhaps there is more I can do to help my students,” then you might feel energized to rethink how you presented that unit, are committed to developing some new ways to reach each of your students. In both cases, your thinking has determined how you feel about the comment.

Thinking is powerful. Our brain is a magnificent organ that science has only begun to unravel. It is capable of doing anything we give it direction to do. This idea that thinking creates our feelings means that we are capable of feeling whatever we want in any situation, so long as we train our brains to react to different circumstances.

You are still going to have negative comments from a variety of community members. However, you do not have to allow these circumstances to define how you feel about yourself as a teacher. You are completely in control of how you think about each of these circumstances.

It is normal (at least for me it is) to want to avoid thinking about the negative because we are afraid of how they will make us feel. However, I challenge you to look back at the school year and explore the negative comments you have encountered. How can you re-think these events to set yourself on a path of growth? If you encounter these negative comments honestly and openly and dig deep to understand how you think about them, you may discover places to grow as an educator. You will be able to unleash your potential as a teacher and evolve into a better version of yourself.

As always, I encourage you to take time to go on this journey and live into these thoughts. If you can do this on your own then I hope my words here help to guide you, but if you want someone to walk beside you on that journey, please reach out.