Unleash Your Potential #10 - Criticism & Feedback

Douglas: Welcome to the Unleash Your Potential Blog, what question can I answer for you today?

GoalGuru: How can I better handle criticism and feedback? 

Douglas: Thanks for reaching out! This is an excellent question. Let's start by unpacking the two critical words in your question, criticism and feedback.

Criticism, in its original form, could be positive or negative. It is related to the word critique. In both cases, however, the analysis or judgment is made in the rearview mirror, with no opportunity to correct. When an art critic offers criticism of a painting, it is not implied that the artist with go back and fix the painting. However, in our modern-day lexicon, criticism has taken on a generally negative tone. Few people enjoy or look forward to criticism, most likely because it is usually negative and doesn’t offer any sort of path for improvement.

Feedback also can be positive or negative, but instead of being a static rear view, offers suggestions for future improvement. With feedback, there is the potential, dare I say, expectation of growth. We get feedback (even negative) with the intent of making whatever the feedback relates to better in the future. Positive feedback implies you did this well, keep doing it next time. Negative feedback suggests, this didn’t so when you try again, do something different.

It is important to remember something critical about BOTH criticism and feedback. They are usually OPINIONS. This is important as just because someone offers critique/feedback, does not make it true. There is some work you should do before you internalize that information. And remember that whether or not you internalize it is a CHOICE that you make.

I would suggest the following questions when handling criticism/feedback:

• Is the criticism/feedback offered in the spirit of improvement? (e.g. “You did that wrong you are such an idiot” is negative, offers no path for improvement, and is probably meant to make you feel bad). If the criticism/feedback is not offered in the spirit of improvement, rethink if this is a relationship you should be in.

Assuming the feedback IS offered in the spirit of improvement then:

• Is the feedback objectively true/false – If you are operating a piece of machinery and a particular setting should be ‘5’ and you set it to something other than ‘5.’ This is a right/wrong kind of feedback. Most of the feedback we receive is more subjective than objective.

• When the feedback is objective, if you were objectively wrong, it was probably a mistake (unless you meant to do it wrong), and fix it next time. It doesn’t make you a bad person, just a good person who made a mistake.

• If the feedback is subjective then:

• Evaluate the feedback. Just because someone offers feedback, doesn’t make it true. Nor does it mean that you have to agree with them and let the feedback impact you in some way. When someone offers feedback you have two choices:

• Agree with them, internalize the feedback, feel an emotion, and take an action based on that emotion. (e.g. Someone tells me I taught a concept the wrong way and it made it hard for the students to understand the information. I can agree with that statement, feel like I need to improve my teaching, and learn to present the information differently).

• I can disagree and dismiss the comment entirely, no need to internalize it or feel any particular emotion based on the feedback. (e.g. Someone tells me I taught a concept the wrong way and it made it hard for the students to understand the information. I can disagree with that statement and dismiss it).

If you feel an emotion about the feedback (whether positive or negative) you have decided to agree with the person and let the feedback create a thought that inspires emotion.

Feedback and criticism, when offered in the spirit of improvement, can be very beneficial. However, this is only if we remember that constructive feedback doesn’t speak to who we are as a person, but more about the choices we make. In the above example, teaching a concept ineffectively doesn’t make me a bad teacher. It makes me a teacher who needs to make some improvements.

Positive and negative feedback is important. Without it, we don’t improve. The key is to offer and take feedback in the spirit of growth. But I know, from personal experience, that it is very easy to let feedback become more about who we are, and not about what we do. We all have to struggle in some way to harness the power of feedback for self-improvement.

I hope my answer sheds some light on your question. If you want to dig into this concept further, I encourage you to reach out and set up a conversation. In the meantime, check back tomorrow for the next question in the Unleash Your Potential Series!

Be Well!

#idevolutioncoaching

#unleashyourpotential

#100daysofquestions

#positivefeedback

#dealingwithnegativefeedback

#critcism