Unleash Your Potential #19 - Self-Control

Douglas: Welcome to the Unleash Your Potential Blog, what question can I answer for you today?

ClarityCatalyst: What techniques can help me develop better self-control? 

Douglas: Thank you for asking! I know that self-control is something that I struggle with at some level and as I read more about it, I suspect we all do battle with self-control at one point or another.

What is self-control? There are a lot of definitions out there, but they all boil down to the ability to regulate your behaviors and responses. Self-control allows us to avoid undesirable behaviors in favor of desirable ones. You have likely heard many words that describe self-control such as fortitude, willpower, and determination. Self-control is important because it allows us to avoid impulsive behavior and delay gratification in favor of long-term goals. Self-control is present when we avoid that sugary treat in favor of foods that will help us lose weight. Self-control is at the center of the decision to stop scrolling through social media and get back to work or a project. As a musician, my lack of self-control was most present when I chose to watch TV instead of practicing.

Self-control, or willpower is a resource. And like most resources, while we can accumulate more of it, it is still finite. And it does deplete over time. With rest, we can recover self-control, but if you work on several tasks in a row that require self-control, you will find it gets harder to maintain self-control as time passes. For me, that is why it is so easy at the end of a long day for me to put my feet up, turn on the TV, and grab a bag of chips. Sure, I can rationalize that I have “earned it” and perhaps I have, but I am just choosing to throw self-control out the window and give in to impulse.

Self-control is also a skill, which means with practice we can get better at it.  We to find moments where we can be successful at exercising self-control. Then we need to celebrate the win (without doing something that negates the self-control win…) and use that confidence to remind us we can be successful at those moments when we feel we can’t (see previous blog on self-doubt).

What can we do to develop self-control? There are lots of good resources out there on self-control. Here are some ideas that I have seen to be common among them (and that have worked for me):

• Avoid temptation – this one is important in my struggle with achieving a healthy weight. Sometimes we need to just take the thing that tempts us out of reach. This acknowledges that there will be times when our willpower is weaker and we need help. For me, that is taking snackable items out of reach and replacing them with more appropriate items. As I mentioned, I know that late in the day I am tempted to TV and snacking. Try though I might, I have yet to develop a better way of handling my lack of willpower at the end of the day…so avoiding temptation is the best thing that works.

• Focus on a few goals at a time – This relates to the idea that self-control is a finite resource. If you have a laundry list of goals, you are almost guaranteeing that you will deplete your willpower and let some goals go by the wayside. By having fewer goals, you can ration your precious self-control in the arenas where you need it most. Once you achieve those goals, you can move on to others when you have recharged your self-control (with a good night's sleep or some meditation).

• Be Proactive – Having a plan will help you to manage your self-control more effectively. What are the situations that might challenge your willpower the most? How can you set yourself up to be most successful in those situations? Making those decisions ahead of time can give you a boost of self-control even when you feel the tank is running a bit low.

Self-control is an important part of long-term goal achievement and by asking this question, you are on the road to developing more willpower. To ask a question is to acknowledge there might be a place for individual growth.

I hope my answer sheds some light on your question. If you want to dig into this concept further, I encourage you to reach out and set up a conversation. In the meantime, check back tomorrow for the next question in the Unleash Your Potential Series!

Be Well!

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