Unleash Your Potential #21 - Positive Mindset

Douglas: Welcome to the Unleash Your Potential Blog, what question can I answer for you today?

MindMender: How do I maintain a positive mindset? 

Douglas: I am so glad you asked this question. Before I dig into the answer to your question, let's talk about why a positive mindset might be important. Some might think that having a positive mindset is just being happy all the time. From what I have read and experienced, this is far from the case. If you are happy all the time, then from my perspective, you are simply in denial part of the time. Bad things happen, and sad moments are a part of our life. Having a positive mindset is not about denying these things. It is about how we react to these situations, in addition to our outlook on the positive moments.

Imagine the following scenario. You or someone you know is in a car accident. You are injured, not severely and no one involved is seriously injured and no one dies. You could look at that situation with thoughts like, “I can’t believe this happened, now I don’t have a car, nothing good ever happens, this on top of X, Y, and Z that already happened.” Or, in the same scenario, you can approach the situation with thoughts like, “Yes we were hurt, but everyone survived. The car is totaled, but we can replace it. This makes transportation difficult, be we can work around it. It has been a tough week with everything that happened, but I know things are going to turn around soon.” As a third option, you can think, “WE just had a car accident, how wonderful! I am so happy this happened”

In scenario one, I have chosen to adopt a pessimistic attitude and for my thoughts on the negative parts of the situation. These thoughts are likely to lead me to more negative thoughts and a focus on the futility of the future. In scenario two, I am acknowledging the negative parts of the situation, but choosing to focus on the positive potential of the situation. I have adopted an attitude of hope. In the scenario, I have chosen to ignore the fact that a bad thing happened and attempted to avoid the negative parts of the situation.

Notice that in the case of all three scenarios, I made a choice. While it may not seem like it, in every situation, we have a choice in how we react. Having a positive mindset is not about eliminating negative things from our life, but experiencing and acknowledging those negative things and CHOOSING to have a positive outlook. In the end, you ALWAYS have a choice.

Here are a few strategies for developing a positive mindset:

• Use positive affirmations – These are statements that frame you as the way you want to see and be seen in the world (e.g. I am a person who exercises and maintains a healthy body image). I used to be skeptical of affirmations, but I have been using them in some form or another for the past month or so and they do change your outlook (as long as they are believable to you).

• Transform your outlook – You are going to have moments of negativity, and in those moments you may be tempted to adopt a negative mindset. In those moments, identify the negative mindset and change it to a positive (e.g. “Nothing ever goes right for me” becomes “This may be a difficult situation but I can learn from this and be better next time”).

• Keep a gratitude journal – Sometimes amid struggle, we forget the good things that happen. Take time at the end of each day to jot down some of the positive things that happened. Then you can go back when you are struggling with being positive and read about all the moments when you were. Remember, if you go looking for the bad, you will find it and if you go looking for the good, you will find that too!

• Stop minimizing success – When something goes right, CELEBRATE it. I am good at deflecting success. When something good happens to me, I am often quick to attribute the success to something or someone external to me.  This allows me to continue thinking nothing good happens to me. When we own our success, we can think positively about it.

• Eliminate “all or nothing” thinking – Seldom is any situation all good or all bad. When we fail to acknowledge the good and bad present in every situation, we create “cognitive dissonance” which is mental discomfort, because our brain “knows” that reality is made up of good and bad, but we are forcing it to focus only on one or the other. Remember, it is not that bad things don’t happen, but how we choose to react to them that matters.

There are many other ways to cultivate a positive mindset. A Google search will bring up lots of options from a variety of sources. This gives you a few to start with. If you find these work, great! If not, rest assured there are lots of other things to try. Keep in mind that none of these will work instantaneously. You need to try them for a month or so and lean into them.

I hope my answer sheds some light on your question. If you want to dig into this concept further, I encourage you to reach out and set up a conversation. In the meantime, check back tomorrow for the next question in the Unleash Your Potential Series!

Be Well!

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