30 Life Lessons - Thanksception Grilled Turkey Fail
- Douglas McCall
- Oct 21, 2024
- 4 min read
For many years, Thankception was the high point of the fall. Some of you reading this may call it “Friendsgiving,” but in our circle, it was Thankception, and the story of its name is not the subject of this tale. Our Thankception would be from 11-25 people and it was always a wonderful time. What started as one large turkey and some extra mouths to feed on Thanksgiving became two or three turkeys the Saturday after Thanksgiving.
Thankception was one of the few holidays where I got highly involved in cooking the food. To be fair, I only got involved in the cooking of turkeys. We had a traditional oven-cooked turkey and a deep-fried one in the early years.
I can proudly say that I deep-fried a turkey every year for 15 years and never once set myself, anyone else, my house, or my driveway on fire. The paramedics and fire department never had to be called. Given what I have seen on the internet, I could see that as a significant success. Even more so because my best friends were usually involved, and if you are a regular reader, you know that our intelligence decreases as we get together.
Anyway, the deep-fried turkey, while an entertaining side story, is also not the focus of this story. Over the years, we stopped making the traditional turkey because everyone had it on Thanksgiving, and we needed the oven space for other things. For several years, we would do a deep-fried and a 12-hour smoked turkey (this was my favorite). However, the focus of this story is the only time I tried grilling a turkey.
In the year in question, we decided to rent a hall to have Thankception as we didn’t have room in the place we were living in, and there were some challenges with parking. I recently became a member of the local Masonic Lodge, so we decided to have the event there. As it happened, there was a gas grill on site. The turkey chefs agreed this would be the year to try this. It was also the first time we tried smoking a turkey.
Thanksgiving weekend in Central New York can be a bit of a gamble regarding weather. You might have clear skies, rain, sleet, snow, ice, or a combination. The temperature can run anywhere from 15-50 degrees. This particular year ran toward the lower range on the spectrum. All three turkeys were required to be cooked outside for apparent reasons (boiling oil, copious amounts of smoke, and a gas grill).
Outdoor cooking devices do not handle colds well. I probably should have realized that much sooner than I did. The electric smoker dealt with the cold best of all, but we had to run the temp higher than desired to account for the heat loss through the sides of the smoker. I am unsure if we ever got the oil up to the ideal temp for deep frying. The worst of the three was the gas grill. We aimed to have the grill at around 450 (at least, I think that is what the recipe called for). We opened the valve and the burners as much as possible and could not get that grill above 325ish, as I recall. At 450, the turkey would need to cook for 2.5-3 hours, which we planned for. A temperature of 325 increased that time to nearly 5 hours.
We tried everything. We put tarps up to reduce the wind exposure. We wrapped the grill in as much tin foil as possible to minimize heat loss. Unfortunately, we had to redo the tinfoil enclosure whenever we had to open the grill to baste the turkey. It was a disaster.
My wife must have gotten used to the fact that I cannot time how long things will cook (I type this as I am waiting for a pulled pork on the grill that is taking longer than expected to come to cook temp). I would not be surprised if she added at least an hour to any cook time I have ever given her (somewhat like she adds at least an hour to any home repair I tell her about).
The planned 2 pm dinner service came without 2 of the 3 turkeys done (the smoker turkey had been done for an hour and was continuing to absorb smoke). An hour later, we managed to finish the deep-fried turkey. Ultimately, we brought the grilled turkey to be finished in the traditional oven. I have never tried grilling a turkey since, and I don’t anticipate ever doing so.
That experience taught me several things. Most importantly, it taught me that my wife has the patience of a saint! It also reinforced that it wasn’t the food that made Thanksception so special. It was the closeness of my family and friends that truly mattered.
Lastly, I learned some critical lessons in thermodynamics. Don’t try to cook a turkey on a gas grill when it is 15 degrees outside. If you are going to try to bring oil to temperature, leave a lot more time and get an extra LP tank.
Since moving to West Virginia, we have not celebrated Thanksception, and I miss that. The Saturday after Thanksgiving, I think about all those wonderful Thanksceptions wherever I am. Take time to build and honor family and friend traditions; they are truly special, and you never know which year will be the last.
Be well!
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