The Power of Reflection: Techniques for Deepening Self-Awareness

Reflections…what are they? I recently started a process of positive morning affirmations regarding my body image. Each morning, I look in the mirror a repeat to myself, “I accept my body as it is, I can change features of it if I want to, but that does not change the fact that I accept it as it exists today,” or something similar. As a result of this increased focus on looking in the mirror, I have started thinking about the concept of reflections and what they might mean in the greater scheme of things.

I began to think about what the word reflection means. According to the Oxford dictionary, a reflection is: 1. The throwing back by a body or surface of light, heat, or sound without absorbing it, or 2. serious thought or consideration.

For a moment let us focus on definition one. To me this means that the object doing the reflecting is unimpacted by the process of reflection. When I stand in the mirror, the mirror is not affected by my image. When I walk away, the mirror continues to be a mirror and whatever is left continues to be reflected (in this case the inside of my closet). Similarly, when I stand in a hall and sing, the echo I hear back (if the acoustics of the room allow for an echo) is just my voice. Again, the reflective surface is not impacted…it is impartial. In both cases, the surface simply tosses back the input received, without judgement, The mirror does comment on my appearance, nor does the wall of the hall judge my voice. It is my thoughts about the reflection that causes me to feel a certain way.

So, what of definition two, serious thought or consideration? When we reflect, we think about something. Often, we add our own opinions on the thing we are reflecting on. In this definition, there is frequently a judgement. I am reminded of an experience I often had in my formative years. It usually went something like this:

1.) I would chose a behavior/action that was less than pleasing to my mother.

2.) My mother would find out I did the behavior.

3.) There would be a consequence and part of that consequence was you usually my mother stating, “I want you to reflect/think about what you did.”

In any of these instances, the goal of the reflection was for me to think about what I did and realize that it was the wrong choice. The process of reflecting was inherently filled with some sort of judgement.

The example I just shared from my youth is that of self-reflection. And I believe that self-reflection is a powerful tool for helping us to evolve to the best version of ourselves. Improving our skills in self-reflection can increase our self-awareness. The more self-aware we are, the more easily we can adjust and refine who we are in the world.

However, in consideration of the two definitions of reflection, I suggest that there is a more impactful way to engage in self-reflection. All to often, we jump right to the judgement part of self-reflection. When I look in the mirror, it is very easy to jump to thoughts about what I see in the mirror, instead of just taking in and accepting what I see in the mirror. I suggest that we need to start the process of reflection by adhering to definition one. We need to reflect on what we are without judgement. We can move to that serious consideration part of the definition soon enough. But first we need to just throw back what we see. I can look in the mirror and just take in what I look at objectively. Similarly, if you want to self-reflect on parts of who you are, just start from “looking in the mirror.” Ask yourself questions like:

·         What skills do I have?

·         What traits do I have?

·         What are my values?

·         What are my beliefs?

The challenge will be that as soon as you start thinking about these things, you will be tempted to attach judgements to these reflections. For now, just start by looking at yourself (either in a mirror or as a thought reflection). As another exercise you can also ask others to answer those questions about you.

Once you have answered these questions (either by writing, drawing, internal dialogue, etc. whatever works best for you) you can then start to deepen the reflection and give them serious thought. You can as questions like:

·         Is this skill valuable?

·         Are there other skills I wish I had?

·         How do I feel about my traits?

·         Are there traits I would like to change?

·         How do my values serve me?

·         Have my beliefs changed?

There are other questions, but these can get the ball rolling. Notice that these additional questions are generally not judgement based. Think about what attaching a judgement to the reflection might do to our feelings. If I look at my reflection and decide what I see is “bad” how might that impact me going forward? I can decide that I want to change what I see in the mirror without judging the existing image as “bad.” My reflection is simply what is. I have the power to change it if I want. The same can be said of traits, values, beliefs, etc. I may reflect and determine that I have procrastinator as a trait (and yes, I can own that I exhibit this trait more often than I would prefer). However, just because I procrastinate (note I did not say I was a procrastinator…that has a different connotation), does not make me good or bad. It is simply a trait. I can then decide about how I want to move forward.

Self-reflection is a great way to get to know who we are. Once we self-reflect, we can then make decisions about whether or not the person we are today is the person we want to continue being. Again, note I am not suggesting judgement. Who you are today is not good or bad, it is simply who you are today. It is not who you were yesterday, nor who you will be tomorrow. Remember, you cannot change who you were in the past, but you can change who you will be in the future…but only if you know who you are today.

If you want to get started in the process of self-reflection to improve your self-awareness, I suggest starting a journal. I started journaling four months ago and I have found it life changing. I do not journal every day. I journal when the moment strikes me, but I ask the questions above, and it helps me to better understand who I am. You could also try meditating. Taking the time to sit quietly and think about these questions might help you if you are not as comfortable writing. I do both. I start with 30 minutes of meditation and then I immediately write a journal. It helps to keep me in the headspace for self-reflection. You must develop a practice that works for you. The most important thing is to schedule time for it. In a previous post, I talked about goal setting and planning. When you plan regular time for self-reflection (daily, weekly, or whatever interval works for you) you are far more likely to do it.

Much like sailing down a river, all our lives are constantly in motion. As I said a few lines earlier, who we are today is not who we were yesterday, nor is it who we will be tomorrow. Continuing the river analogy, you have two choices, let the current of the river decide your direction or steer the craft. Using self-reflection to increase your self-awareness is an effective strategy for taking control of your boat. We self-reflect to discover who we are, unleash the possibilities of what might be to evolve into who we will become.