Unleash Your Potential #14 - Self-Doubt

Douglas: Welcome to the Unleash Your Potential Blog, what question can I answer for you today?

TransformTrailblazer: How do I overcome self-doubt? 

Douglas: Thank you for asking. I am much more familiar with this topic than I would like to be. But, I suppose many of us are more familiar with this topic than we would like to be.

What is doubt? Doubt is the presence of uncertainty. When doubt is absent, we feel confident we can do something. Without a doubt, I know that I can sing Happy Birthday. On the other hand, doubt is also absent when we are certain we can’t do something. Without a doubt, I know that I cannot outdrive my golf partner off the tee.

The presence of uncertainty is what creates tension. I know that I cannot outdrive my golf partner and that is okay because I don’t have to worry about it. I know that I can work harder to improve my drive, but my focus is on other parts of my golf game which I do doubt, such as my ability to sink a putt in under 3 strokes. I doubt the strength of my short game.

Small amounts of doubt are not necessarily problematic because it pushes us to improve. When we encounter doubt in an ability, like my short game, we feel compelled to work on improving that skill to remove the doubt. This keeps us sharp and growing. However, doubt becomes a challenge when it starts to prevent us from trying things or discourages us from trying to improve. Much like many things, a little doubt can be helpful, but you can have too much of a good thing.

How do you find that “sweet spot” of doubt? Here is what I suggest. When you start to feel doubt try the following:

1. Name the doubt – To deal with something, you have to call it out. What specifically are you doubting? Say it out loud. “I am doubting my ability to ______.” Once you have named it, you can address it.

2. Ask “Are you a good doubt or a bad doubt?” (al la Wizard of Oz) – Is this a doubt that will help you grow or is it a doubt that is holding you back? If it is a helpful doubt, how will you grow because of its presence? What can it drive you to do? If it is a bad doubt, what do we need to do to get rid of it?

3. Give yourself some grace – Sometimes we feel doubt because we are afraid of making a mistake. Give yourself permission to make mistakes. All of us make them and they are a great way to mature, so let them happen. Look in a mirror (or into the camera on your phone) and say, “It is okay to make mistakes. It means I am taking risks and willing to grow.”

4. Run your race – Doubt also creeps in when we compare ourselves to others. Remember, just because someone else succeeds doesn’t mean you can’t as well. Also, just because they succeed in X amount of time doesn’t mean that is your path. Everyone has their journey and you can set up unrealistic expectations if you measure yourself by someone else’s journey. When I started dipping my feet into life coaching, I was comparing myself to people like Tony Robbins. I am not Tony Robbins (nor do I want to be), so why should I measure my success and timetable against his?

5. Celebrate success – Our past achievements can be a great source of strength. Everyone has had success in the past, but when we struggle we tend to forget that and focus on the struggle. When doubt rears its ugly head, think back to all the things (big and small) you have overcome and realize that this is just one more challenge. You have got this!

6. Find your tribe – Who are the people who are going to lift you up when you have trouble doing it yourself? We all need cheerleaders. Get a couple of people who you can count on to remind you how awesome you are. Make sure it is genuine praise. None of us needs to be gaslighted when we are struggling. Who are the people that will carry your torch when you can’t?

7. Seek outside counsel – Sometimes, when your tribe can’t lift you up and you can’t do it yourself, you need to enlist a third party. A therapist, coach, teacher, or religious figure might be able to help you overcome the doubt by offering an outside perspective.

Having self-doubt is something most of us can relate to. The key is to have some strategies to help get past it when it does visit. My list is not likely exhaustive, but it gives you someplace to start from.

I hope my answer sheds some light on your question. If you want to dig into this concept further, I encourage you to reach out and set up a conversation. In the meantime, check back tomorrow for the next question in the Unleash Your Potential Series!

Be Well!

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