Unleash Your Potential #16 - Self-Talk

Douglas: Welcome to the Unleash Your Potential Blog, what question can I answer for you today?

SuccessSpectrum: How can I develop a more positive self-talk? 

Douglas: This is a great question! “We are our own worst critic!,” is a phrase we often hear to characterize the self-talk we engage in. And it's largely true, we say things to ourselves we would never say to anyone else.

I would wager that we could all be a little gentler on ourselves. Give ourselves a little more grace, and extend the courtesy we often extend to others.

The first suggestion I would give to you regarding self-talk requires you to engage in a thought experiment of sorts. The next time you catch yourself in negative self-talk, imagine you are talking to a young child, point at the imaginary child and say out loud what you are saying to yourself. If saying it makes you uncomfortable, you probably shouldn't be saying it to yourself.

You might be thinking, “but it's different when I am talking to myself, I can handle it.” Perhaps that is true, but why should you be required to? Countless research supports the idea that even negative feedback, when presented more gently, is more effective than harsh criticism. If your goal is self-improvement, don't you want.to do everything you can to set yourself up.for success?

You might also be saying, “but what if it's true? Shouldn't I be completely honest with myself?” You are right. I am certainly not advocating for you to start engaging in self-gaslighting, but I am suggesting the context is important. Instead of putting yourself down, how can you rephrase the thought as a way to improve? As a dear friend of mine is fond of saying, “words matter.”  

Most often, when we engage in negative self-talk, we are leaving out the part of feedback that offers a suggestion for improvement. Instead you can acknowledge you did something wrong, but here is how you can fix it. And making a mistake doesn't make you a bad person. You might just be a good, smart, talented person who made a mistake or a poor judgment call.

Self-talk is really important to how we see ourselves and who we believe ourselves to be. Make sure you are supporting yourself as well as you might support a child, friend, or partner.

I hope my answer sheds some light on your question. If you want to dig into this concept further, I encourage you to reach out and set up a conversation. In the meantime, check back tomorrow for the next question in the Unleash Your Potential Series!

Be Well!

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