Unleash Your Potential #41 - Dealing with Negativity

Douglas: Welcome to the Unleash Your Potential Blog, what question can I answer for you today?

ProgressPulse: What strategies can help me deal with negative people? 

Douglas: I think this question speaks to us all at some level. We all can be negative in any situation. I am sure if we each look closely we can find moments where we have opted to be in the negative space. I was in that space less than 24 hours ago. While most of us visit the negative side of the street, there are some who, for a variety of reasons, have purchased a home on that side of the street. To keep this analogy going, while I don’t have my permanent residence on the negative side, I can certainly see where there a points that I have had a summer home there.

All this is to say that we have all been there and will likely be there at some point in the future. I don’t think that anyone who is consistently negative consciously chooses to be there, but they have fallen into a pattern of choosing reactions to circumstances that lean into that negative space. I am reminded of yesterday when I was subbing as the organist for my church. I played for an hour and some things went well and there were some moments I am not proud of. I engaged in conversation with multiple people throughout the day about my performance and I know that in each of those conversations I focused on the parts that went poorly. It is easy to fall into negativity.

With that in mind, I think the most important strategy is to channel some compassion for folks who are in a negative season. It is so easy to become negative with them (which does not help either of you) or complain about their negativity (which also does not help either of you). However, you can choose to acknowledge they are in a difficult space and do what you can to lift them. For some folks, there may not be anything you can do except lead by example and keep your positivity. Remember that you cannot force someone to stop being negative and berating them for their negativity is not likely to be very useful either. Empathize with them, offer support, and be a model for choosing positivity.

While it is important to show compassion for those who are encountering negativity, you must also be careful not to let their negativity start to sap your positivity. When we are being compassionate we run the risk of adopting their negativity. You can probably think of a time when you have been in a group where there is a negative attitude and then slowly everyone starts to be negative. Be on the lookout for this and be ready to stop the negativity when it reaches you or move yourself out of the situation. I have noticed that this is especially true when it comes to social media. There are lots of folks out there who air all sorts of dirty laundry on social media and if you read enough of it, it can alter your perspective. I find that periodically I have to check out of social media entirely for days at a time because I find the negativity is becoming more than I can handle and I am starting to move toward it. Be self-aware and know when you need to walk away to preserve your positivity.

Most of what I have written thus far is about challenging negativity when you encounter it. It is important to be willing to step into the fray and be a light for someone who is experiencing a season of negativity. It is equally important to know when you need to walk away because like Wedge Antilles in Return of the Jedi “you can’t do any more good.” Sometimes, the most effective way to deal with a negative person is to choose not to be in their space. If this is a work colleague, that can be a little more difficult, but the key is realizing that they are not interested in combatting their negativity so you just have to put space between you.

The most important strategy I can offer is to remember your light! Realizing that we can all be positive or negative in any situation, look inward, focus on the things you can be positive about, and choose positive. Be an example to those around you. You might not be able to fix anyone, but you can certainly show them there are other options.

I hope my answer sheds some light on your question. If you want to dig into this concept further, I encourage you to reach out and set up a conversation. In the meantime, check back tomorrow for the next question in the Unleash Your Potential Series!

Be Well!

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