Unleash Your Potential #62 - Conflict Resolution

Douglas: Welcome to the Unleash Your Potential Blog; what question can I answer today?

WisdomWave: How can I improve my conflict resolution skills? 

Douglas: This is a great question! Most of us, at some point, will encounter the need to resolve conflict, whether at work or in our personal lives. It is undoubtedly essential to consider how to improve these skills.

A couple of pieces of conflict add to its complexity and challenge. In the first place, most times when there is conflict, there are strong emotions, and people invest in their side of the conflict. The situation is emotionally charged, and both sides may already be past the point of taking the situation personally. These factors make the situation more difficult to walk into. Add to that the fact that one, both, or all sides may have moved to a place of tunnel vision, where they can no longer see any points of view but their own. These things and other factors make conflict resolution potentially very difficult.

The purpose of this blog is not to train you in methods of conflict resolution. There are many people with far more training than I have in the area who are certainly more qualified to speak on that topic. What I offer today are some skills you might develop to help you as you implement conflict resolution techniques.

Active Listening – Often, in periods of conflict, the sides (there can be more than just two) struggle because they feel their side isn’t heard. Suppose you can listen intently, ask clarification questions, restate their position for clarity, and  display body language that conveys genuine interest. In that case, you can reassure all sides that you are listening to their side.

Empathy – It is crucial to develop skills to read the non-verbal cues that suggest the emotional barometer of the people in the conflict. You want to understand what all parties feel without assuming or projecting feelings onto them.

Communication – Along with active listening, you must develop skills that help all sides keep the lines of communication open. While it is important to keep each side listening, it is also vital to encourage them to share their thoughts productively without attacking the other side. Encouraging all sides to restate thoughts in the form of “I” statements can go a long way.

Problem Solving – In conflict, we often lose sight of other possibilities and solutions. We get very invested in our solution. To improve your conflict resolution skills, you need to develop your ability to see a wide variety of solutions and to help the parties involved to see and generate multiple avenues of solution.

Calmness/Neutrality – When trying to resolve conflict, you need to adopt a position of calmness and neutrality, even if you are one of the parties involved in the conflict. Rather than becoming charged toward one side or another, adopt a position of curiosity as someone genuinely interested in understanding all sides of the situation. It is essential to convey a demeanor that is not agitated or nervous, as these may serve only to put the people involved on edge. If you sense that you are losing your calm or moving away from neutrality, it is important to recognize it and either take a short break or acknowledge you are not in the right place to help resolve the conflict.

Conflict resolution is complex when you are helping other people and are not invested in any side of the conflict. It is even more complicated when you are on one side of the conflict. Regardless of your position, these techniques remain the same, especially about calmness and neutrality (which is vastly more difficult when you identify with one side or another). All these skills will help you become more adept at conflict resolution, but the most important thing is getting some training from someone experienced in specific conflict resolution techniques.

I hope my answer sheds some light on your question. If you want to dig into this concept further, I encourage you to reach out and set up a conversation. In the meantime, check back tomorrow for the next question in the Unleash Your Potential Series!

Be Well!

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